I feel like many a times people are often passing judgment on events that have nothing to do with them. It's during those times, when I'm feeling like people are out to get me, or that I am being subjugated to these peoples attacks, I realize that I'm lucky. It just shows me who my real friends are. I'm better able to see the people who i can truly count on in times of need. I can better appreciate those people who stand by me through the thick of things. It's during those times I think to myself , " Let them say what they want, they are nothing in my life. I don't need their negativity." And instantly, they are shut out of my life. With nothing more than a couple clicks of my mouse it's done.
Now, without the negativity, I am finally realizing what it is I've been missing . A great drama-less life. One where people actually say what they feel and don't rely on passive communication to try to get their way. It's such a relief.

To all those people who come under constant pressure, who get into drama, who are always dealing with one stupid event after another. Re-evaluate yourself and your friends. What faults do you have that might have spurred on some of these events. Change them. Which one of your "friends" can you truly rely on in times of need? Who can you really trust? Never let them go. All- in-all take a good look at your life and cut out the sources of negativity. You are who you are and when you are with your friends, your real friends, you shouldn't have to apologize for it.

Also on a less serious note:

HATERS GONNA HATE
BITCHES GET OUT MY WAY
CUZ I'M MOVING FORWARD
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!


 
JasonWang :]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC67L3fNcBU&feature=related


Howdy

waywahs party was a success. i had fun. it was nice to see evan and rodney again even though they didnt really acknowledge me. it was fun to just hang out and drink with the friends. ive never had that many beers before. it was actually pretty gross, but whatever. it was in the name of fun. and kings cup was fucking fun. i didnt try brawl + because im pretty sure evan wouldnt want me to. but thats ok, i'll oblige his wishes. im still waiting on a call from either evan or rodney to come and hang out. i just hope thy dont think this is some joke or a trap or something... >_> i legitimately think its been a long enough time where we can just talk and be cool.

Anyways im loving the summer so far. waking up at like 11 everyday and having breakfast and reading a little. then preparing some college shit and having the rest of the day free, besides 2 hours of work. its a pretty relaxing feeling. im going to respond to Kie's job offer tomorrow finally. i feel bad for not having contacted him in so long.

so much stuff to do, so little will lol. story of my life i guess

seems like lately theres been a lot of like drama. i dont know why i dont even fully understand it. its actually quite stupid. however stupid i feel like its left an impact on my relationships with people. Jackie and arnold, the two with the most significant problems with me, have sort of put me off a little. It's a bit awkward for me still. knowing that these two people who ive hung out with for quite awhile have some hidden disdain towards me. I feel like i have to be weary around them.

to be quite honest, i was dissapointed and surprised with arnold. he said that he felt like i wasnt grateful, that i was making him change my personality, that i was making him surpress himself. I was totally wtfing the whole time he said that. arnold has never been a sarcastic bitch of a being. ive known him since he first came to Cerritos and i know his personality. the way he's been lately isnt who he is at all. he was never sassy. he never cracked jokes at others expense. he wasnt a mean person. thats just not who he was. either he's changed a lot from what i remember or im just not remembering right. so when he said that i was making him change. i was literally thinking " you have already changed so much". not that thats a bad thing. i suppose that after all those years of repressing himself, he's finally able to let loose and feel comfortable around himself and his friends. im actually really happy that he's able to do that. the only thing i'd like is for him to realize that im not changing him, im adjusting to this new arnold that, i dont think, has found the right balance between mean sass and comedic sass, atleast towards me.

and to him saying that im not grateful for the things that he's done. thats just plain ridiculous. how do you measure gratefulness. no im not going to praise the soil he steps on or kiss his feet, but i am going to be thankful for the things that he does. i was only dissapointed in the fact that after all we'd been through he didnt think i appreciated him. i mean REALLY? he's been ony of my best friends for so damn long. how they hell could i not appreciate him ( horrible grammar lo ciento) . i just felt like. wow do you really think i take you for granted and use you for your money. that me as much as it hurt you. oddly i was tearing up during some parts of the conversation...in fact, sometimes i feel like i owe him so much ...its also another reason i feel so obliged to do whatever he feels like doing i.e going to florida again, going anywhere he suggests, etc.. which bring up another point. I didnt understand how jackie and arnold and possibly michael...i dont know thought that i controlled where we went and what we did. All those nights where we ate ramen. i never suggested that. Those times we'd go to some odd restaurant or a shopping center ive never been to those are not my ideas. how could they be...i feel like i dont plan anything at all in fact. like im just along for a ride and people are suggesting things all over the place. like reciently we went to LA to go to a bar...that was ajays idea...infact that was the day that jackie and arnold and david and i talked about our problems. yeah i was literally along for a fun ride...a fun and eventful ride. it was hilarious.

jackie ...on the other hand. i felt had problems with me that seemed really...
i dont know....odd... it felt like arnold and jackie sort of boosted each others dislike towards me ...like they had power in their numbers because they sort of let some little things fester longer than i would have liked. i mean them saying its been a month or so since we started feeling this way. I really just couldn't comprehend why they didnt just tell me...they had so many possibilities. and i know that they feel like i dont take criticism well, but i feel like i take it well enough. i never fully dismiss criticism and when it does hold true i apologize for my actions and begin to change or repair. I dont think i take criticism badly at all. anways, with all the teastations and nights over. i felt like they could have just told me the things they thought were annoying. they said it wouldnt have helped and it would have just boiled over, but really from a psychological standpoint. any sort of enviromental stressor has two ways of being dealt with. emotion focused coping and problem focused coping. they were doing emotion focused coping...but in a problem focused coping situation. emotion focused coping is dealing with the effects of stress when the stressor cannot be dealt with like death or something that one cannot effect. problem focused coping is when someone deals with the stress of a situation by dealing with the cause of the stress. Stress btw is being used in a broad manner to encompass a variety of live events, not just the feeling of stress. I feel like their stressor, i.e me, could have been dealt with quickly and relatively painlessly, but it just didnt happen that way. from now on im literally going to push that instead of talking about each other behind each others backs we maybe talk about a resolution. i mean whats the point of coping with the emotions when the problems itself can be solved and the emotions nullified?

arnold just showed me a DWTS clip and now...i dont really know what im .......saying anymore. lolol.

OH yeah. after that night i felt like my relationship with david has gotten a little...i dont know..different...i still dont know the full effects of that, but so far i feel a distance. i dont know if its saddening....david said that he felt too clingy, reliant, and just like he wasnt beind responsible. we dont do things we used to. it feels slightly...odd like david is trying to do i though. tmaybe he feels like he was letting go too much a bit too much relaxation. if so then good for him. push these last couple weeks, finish school, we'll have time to play in the summer....sadly i cant help but think that there's something more..something that parallels to evan...

For the love of god, i hope not...